Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
