I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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