you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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