She's JV to your varsity
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
