There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
