I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
