I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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