Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Randomize
