Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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