i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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