You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
