I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
