I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
