Your face is a jimmy john
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
