After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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