I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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