Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
