I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
