Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
