but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
