They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
