i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
