Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
