There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
