omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
