Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
