I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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