how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
