Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
