Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im holly from the hills drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
