Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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