i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone shit on the floor
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
