Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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