Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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