You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
