come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
