wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
