I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
