shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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