mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
