we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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