The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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