Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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