I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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