apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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