Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
