she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
