Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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