thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
