ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
