I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the condom got lost in my hair
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
