I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
