If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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