She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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