pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
