just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
