you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
