I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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