i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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